Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Dear Hair, Please Stay! Love, Don

I love my hair.

It is full and thick and grows fast... and I want it to stay that way until they put me in the ground.

The reason I am so paranoid about my hair is that my father, his 4 brothers, 3 of my mother's brothers, and my paternal grandfather, all have thin or no hair.

...and it scares the crap out of me.

I don't care if it's vain or silly to worry about such a thing, and up to this point my hair is healthy and full. However, I want it to be there for the rest of my life, I don't care if it turns grey as a ghost... if it is all there, I will be a happy (senile) old man.

We hear all the time that you should judge your future hair status by taking a look at your mother's father. I never met him because he died at a young age thanks to the stereotypical combination of alcohol-related liver problems and being Irish.
I am assured that when he passed (around the age of 40 or so I believe), he had a full head of bushy, red hair. Now I like to drink (which is fine since I don't have an addictive personality and know when to say when) but I also love my hair (as you may have been able to pry from the subtle meandering of this post). Things are looking up at this point.

There have been some modern gains in science and medicine in terms of hair restoration it seems. I have a couple of friends who swear by Propecia, and it seems to work nicely for them. They however have health insurance and can afford such things...

If someday I find my drain is getting full and my scalp is getting sunburned, I will most likely be forced to resort to more "affordable" tactics... perhaps in the future, there will be a procedure where they can take the hair off a monkey's ass and put it on my head... but then I wonder, will I constantly smell shit all day and could I develop an overactive love for bananas? Hopefully my coworkers won't walk into the bathroom and find me flinging crap over my stall... now that would be a touch embarrassing at the Monday meeting.

For now I will hold on to the belief that you go by your mother's father... so 3 cheers to my healthy head of hair!!

Shit... maybe I should get my liver looked at...

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